Back Home Again

Chiggers

Somehow, somewhere over the weekend, I got exposed to chiggers.  They are all over my legs.  I thought it was just mosquito bites for the first day or two.  But then after I got a little sweaty outdoors, the chiggers went nuts.  It's like the itchiest mosquito bite you ever had.  The heat really makes them go wild.

I remember years ago in Oklahoma, I went fishing with a buddy at a small pond.  That night, my friend had chigger bites all over his legs and was itching like crazy.  Me...nothing.  This guy was part Lebanese.  I laughed and said the chiggers must like dark meat.  Well the joke was on me...they really like the white meat.  Mine started itching the next day.  As long as I stayed in air conditioning it wasn't bad.  This went on for a week. 

That weekend a bunch of us went to an airshow in Oklahoma City.  There was no shade and the temps were near 100 degrees.  I looked down after a while and my legs were full of welts.  I thought I'd go insane.  I told the guys I was going to have to go to the emergency room, or else get really, really drunk quickly.  We brought some homemade punch in a gallon jug with us.  I downed four cups straight and it did deaden the itch quite a bit.  I just remember that air show and the ride home seemed like it took forever.

When we returned to the apartments, a neighbor of mine came over and said he had the cure for chigger bites.  He was a good ol' boy from Arkansas who loved the outdoors.  He said to fill up your bathtub so that the water just covers your legs.  Add a cup of bleach to the bathwater.  Take the bleach water and scrub each of the chigger bites and stay in the bath for about 10 minutes.  When you exit the bath, the itching will stop.  He was right.

So last night I did the bleach bath trick again, and once again, it worked.  No more itching and bitching.  Damn chiggers!

Poison Ivy Again

You'd think I'd learn.  The last time I got a bad case of poison ivy, I was wearing shorts.  That's kinda asking for it, I know.  This time, it was early in the morning before it got really hot.  I went out dressed in long pants, rubber boots, long sleeve shirt, baseball cap, and gloves.  I looked like a damn beekeeper.  I was working in my patch of peonies where I know there is poison ivy.  I worked quick and gathered all of the weeds and threw them out in the field.  Afterwards, I showered and washed my clothes.

I still got poison ivy on the inside of my right wrist.  The only thing I can figure is that my shirt sleeve rode up a little when I was reaching for some weeds.

That's it.  I'm moving to the city.

The Final Days

People have been asking me about Dad's condition so I thought I'd give you an update.  We got Dad accepted into Hospice Care about a month ago.  He had a pretty good day on Easter Sunday and even attended Mass that morning.  Shortly after that he began to slide downhill.  Dad has had some sort of stroke and can no longer speak and has trouble swallowing.  He can eat a little bit of soft food and drink some water feed by a syringe.  Dad is bedridden now.  But, he can still follow you with his eyes, and grip your hand.

Dad has some pressure sores on his heels that are quite deep.  The blood is just not circulating and the skin there is dying.  He has other sores showing up all over his body now.  He is given morphine to help with the pain of changing the dressings on his sores.  But for the most part, he doesn't seem to have a lot of pain.  He sleeps a lot.

Fr. Tim, our priest, came this week and gave Dad Last Rites again.  This is the third or fourth times he's had Last Rites over the past few years.  We've lost count.  He slept through most of it.  My sister commented that Dad might vaguely remember a man in black in his room.  I said, "Dad will figure out it was a priest.  Or Johnny Cash".  Fr. Tim laughed at that.

On Monday, we were told that Dad would slip into unconsciousness within 48 hours.  Four days have passed and he is still with us.  But we know that time is slipping away for Dad.  He's just not ready to go quite yet. 

Confession

A few months ago I had an appointment with my ENT doctor in Indianapolis.  He wanted me to get allergy tested and sent in his allergist.  I told her that I was only slightly stuffed up in Indiana; I had a tickle in my throat when I'm in Tulsa; a full-blown sinus blockage when in Houston.  The Indy allergist stated that I was probably allergic to dust since Texas is so much dustier than Indiana.  I corrected her, and told her that in Houston, where I travel to, it is quite tropical.  Maybe even downright moldy.  I determined that she didn't know what the hell she was talking about and I told her I would get allergy tested in Houston, where I show the most symptoms.

This past week I made the appointment to get allergy tested.  A co-worker highly recommended a nearby allergy clinic and she just loved the doctor.  The doctor was a bit confused as to why I, from Indiana, was getting tested in Houston.  I told him I may be relocating there someday and would like to get a jump on any allergies.  The doc asked about my background and it went something like this: 

Doc: So what brought you to Indiana?  

Me: Well, my folks were getting older and I moved back home to take care of them.  We live on a farm on a gravel road.  Mom died last summer and Dad is 92. 

Doc: Does he live alone now? 

Me: No, my sister lives there and we have 24/7 help there with him too.  He just got accepted into hospice care. 

Doc: Oh man.  (Head down, facing the floor) My folks live by themselves in San Antonio.  I'm their closest child, and that's three hours away.  They live in a three level house and the level where their bedroom is doesn't have a bathroom.  My Mom can't walk up steps.  My Dad was in pretty good shape until a few months ago.  He's had some sort of stroke or seizure.  None of us are co-signed on any of their accounts and don't even know where he has all his money.  I..I..I...sometimes I just wish they'd both get in a car wreck and just die. 

Me: (looking off, not knowing what to say next) 

Doc: Well.  Back to your allergies......... 

Wow.  I should've asked the doc if we needed to go have a beer somewhere and talk.  Good grief.  This poor guy just needed a friend to listen, I'm thinking.  Hope this doc doesn't look at my allergies and determine that I'm really messed up.  He may just push me out in front of a city bus. 

I have always had this recurring phenomenon with people.  Complete strangers feel compelled to confess a deep dark secret to me.  It's happened to me dozens of times over the years.  It's a bit odd to say the least and makes for uncomfortable moments.  

Epilog:  My allergy testing all showed up negative.  I think I'm just allergic to Houston. 

Hospice

We got Dad admitted to Hospice care this week.  We weren't sure if he was ready or not.  He's been talking a lot about death and "not being around much longer".  There were three different representatives that came out to interview Dad and his family.  Then, with just a few signatures, he was accepted. 

One day, Dad was obsessing about a tire.  There was a tire that needed to go to town to be fixed.  There really was no tire, but Dad had this on his mind.  I tried to calm him down by saying that I had the tire; he seemed good with that.  When the Hospice lady arrived, she asked Dad a series of questions, most of which I answered.  Then she asked if his affairs were in order or if there was something that was bothering him that he wanted to be settled before he died.  Dad replied, "Yeah."  The Hospice lady said, "What is it?"  Dad replied, "I'd like to know what happened to that tire!" 

We had Hospice care for Mom in the 4 months before she passed away.  In a home setting, all it means is that Hospice would provide the meds and equipment needed.  They also help with giving baths and check the patient's vital signs.  If an emergency should arise, you call Hospice instead of 911.

Thyroid Condition

I have been really tired the past six weeks or so.  And my pants were getting tighter.  Nothing had changed with my diet or life style.  So I had my suspicions.  All my siblings have been diagnosed with hypothyroidism.  Mom had it; so does a niece.  I went through a checklist that I found online:

Symptoms of Hypothyroidism

• Fatigue (yes - 3 naps a day)
• Weakness (yes - can hardly get my fat ass out of the car)
• Weight gain or increased difficulty losing weight (yes - surprised a button didn't fly off my pants and put someone's eye out)
• Coarse, dry hair (yes - thought it was from buying Suave shampoo)
• Dry, rough pale skin (yes - alligator elbows)
• Hair loss (yes - lots of hair in the sink)
• Cold intolerance (you can't tolerate cold temperatures like those around you) (yes)
• Muscle cramps and frequent muscle aches (yes - crick in the neck)  
• Constipation (no - not even close)
• Depression (yes - I thought it was from living in Indiana)  
• Irritability (yes - I thought it was from living in Indiana)
• Memory loss (yes - I thought it was hereditary)
• Abnormal menstrual cycles (n/a, though I have been accused of being on the rag)
• Decreased libido (yes)

The doctor called today and told me the results of all my blood work.  As I suspected, I've got the family curse too.  Swell.  The doctor prescribed some pills to take and he'll test it again in six weeks.

Between my thyroid and my poor eyesight, it's been a banner year with the doctors this year.  Hell, turning fifty is gonna be a breeze next year.  I already feel like I'm ninety! 

Dr. Dover

Went to Dr. Dover today....Dr. Ben Dover. Checked out the ball(s) and hitch, he did.

I think we've taken our doctor/patient relationship to a new level of familiarity.

* Turns head and coughs *

Poor Eyesight

I went to see my cousin Chris, the optometrist, last week.  My last eye exam was about 18 months ago. 

I had a pair of bi-focals that I'm supposed to wear, but I never did.  I would wear them if I was watching a movie or if my eyes got really tired.  But lately, I haven't been able to read maps or menus.  I've ordered a lot of hamburgers, because I get tired of squinting.  The other day I was looking at a state quarter, and I couldn't tell what state it was.

Dr. Chris told me my eyes had definitely gotten worse.  He said I've got the Maloney eyes.  I'm pretty lucky that I almost made it to fifty without wearing glasses.  He had some good news and bad news.  With the Maloney genes, we'll probably live to be in our nineties.  The bad news: our eyes will give out in our seventies.

I've got a new set of bi-focal lenses in my old frames.  I've got to start wearing them all the time...soon. 

So with about 20-25 more years of eyesight, what would I still like to see?  Makes ya think.

Expensive Rx

My Dad had a change of meds today. His doc in Indy called in a prescription to his pharmacy in Lebanon. I went to pick it up and there was going to be a wait. I ate dinner and returned. When I got back, I was told that the prescription would be $480 for 30 pills! I told them, "Oh HELL No!". The gal working the counter said that the computer system rejected his prescription plan for those pills.

Background: Dad has a Medicare Part D plan that he pays a monthly premium for. Prior to getting on with this plan, we had to get his Plavix from Canada because the pharmacy was so expensive without a Medicare Part D plan. But once we got on this current Part D plan, it dropped the price from over $400 to $88. Now, he's no longer on Plavix.

Back to story: I returned home and there's a call from the pharmacy. The pharmacist worked with it in the system and got it to accept the prescription; there's even a generic. Now it would only be $4. So I drove back to town to get the prescription. I figure it was worth $476 for the trip! I even verified the original price with the pharmacist. Without a prescription plan, full retail on that brand-name drug was $480.

Damn. When you go to the pharmacy it's hard to know whether you'll need to break a $20 or rob a bank!

Two Steps Backward

On Friday the 6th, I took Dad to the Fish Fry at church.  It was about the best that he's been since he got out of the nursing home.  A lady came up to him and said that she heard that he fell off of my porch and broke his hip.  When asked what happened, Dad replied, "I was drunk."  That was the first glimpse of his quick wit that I had seen in weeks.

On Sunday, Dad was heading to the kitchen table and got very wobbly.  He said he felt shaky.  My sister spoon fed him his supper that night.  The next day I had to take him to the eye doctor for some laser surgery to his eye.  He had some bleeding in the back of one eye.  That went just fine.  I dropped him back off at his house. 

Around 3pm I got a call from the home health aide and said that I'd better get down there quick.  Dad was having a seizure.  He was lying on the bed and the home health aide was trying to calm him down, with no luck.  Dad was shaking from head to toe and kept saying, "Oh shit!" over and over.  I called 911 and we were off to the emergency room.

When I got to the emergency room, he was rested.  They had given him Valium in the ambulance and in a few minutes he was snoring.  The doctor said his blood sugar had bottomed out at 35.  They put him on an IV and kept him overnight for observation to boost back his blood sugar.  The next day Dad was imagining all kinds of things in his hospital room and having vivid hallucinations.  He's had them before, especially in the nursing home.

I brought Dad home and he went to bed early that night.  He woke up in the middle of the night all confused and barely slept for the next two nights.  He was still having visual hallucinations and acting upon them.  Dad thought there was an auger and a tractor up in the attic.  He could see them because the roof was broken and he could see through the rafters.  Then there was a truck parked in the living room which needed to be moved.  He was almost in a panic talking about all the things he was seeing.  When we told them that these visions were not real, boy, did he get mad.  Finally on Friday we got him a prescription of seroquel, a sedative.  Dad finally got a good night's sleep and was much better after that.  I've been checking his blood sugar several times daily.

We think that Dad has Charles Bonnet Syndrome, common in elderly patients with macular degeneration.  It causes vivid hallucinations and there is no cure.  It usually disappears within a year or 18 months, but could go on for years.  We have another eye doctor appointment this Wednesday.  If nothing else, the doctor can explain this condition to Dad.  Maybe then he won't be so anxious about it. 

One bright spot:  All this is happening during March Madness, and Dad is a huge basketball fan.  It is a great distraction for him.